The Renovation of Jules

Sunday, April 30

There are so many feelings I have at the moment that I don't really know where to start.

Fear: I so greatly fear that I will never turn my life around and get slim and healthy like I need to be. I fear that I will forever be trapped inside this giant body that is just not mine!! I fear that I will have another terrible pergnancy and end up either in hospital or on another terrible medication that will have some hideous side effect.

Joy: Yes, joy. I have joy in my heart that another little being is going to join my family. I got home from work on Friday night and my three kids were all standing at the sliding door looking out at me walking towards the house and they were all beaming giant smiles. They love me unconditionally and I love them and that is enough to give me immense joy.

Fatigue: Okay, technically not a feeling but it is today!! My body feels fatigued after a day of constant grazing. Not always on bad things but just felt the need to put things in my gob all day long - from mandarins to crackers. I am not sleeping properly and when I do I wake with a sealed up nasal cavity and I feel like I have been beaten all night long.

Fogginess: My mind is so unclear on what angle I need to take to achieve the goals I have. Maybe I actually need to verbalise what these goals are, break them down and make them achievable.

Dismay: At the thought of losing my Subaru Legacy Wagon in place of a Mitsubishi Chariot. Saw a new 7 seater Subaru Tribeca on the subaru website. Beautiful but $32000 as they are new, going on the fact that is probably USD then I would say that would be about $70K NZ dollars. That would be completely out of our range but a fucken cool 7 seater all the same.

That's me.

Posted by Jules :: 7:36 pm :: 5 Comments: