Wednesday, October 19

Wednesday Weigh In - Week 16

Start Weight: 109.8kg
Current Weight: 103.5kg
Loss/Gain: +700g
Kgs to Goal: 38.5kg


Really, this should have been titled "Crying". Now, I know better than anyone that my premenstrual week is always a gain week. But I had so much to back me up to make it a loss. Then today hit and all the signs pointed to a gain. I couldn't go number two's again. Fucken nervous systerm. Something about weigh in day makes my sphincter clamp shut. And then I got to weigh in and the bloody right scales were unmanned and the only scale I could go to was the one with the stupid woman who is my all time jinx. And sure enough - got off the scales and was told "Gain, 700g"

So, I am back up to 103.5kg. And I hit my 30's as a fat hundy chic. I don't know why this has gutted me so much. I suppose it is the downside of setting yourself a challenge. If you don't perform the psychological effect can be immense. I actually nearly started to cry when jinx woman told me. I wanted to punch her and say "It's all your fault". I relaxed at the weekend - sure. But I had points up my sleeve for it. I didn't use hardly any of my bonus points from last week's exercise. Yesterday I had two poached eggs on multigrain toast for breakfast, a Feta and tomato toasted sandwich, yoghurt and fresh fruit salad for lunch, a low point homemade malaysian Peanut Chicken Satay with Basmati rice for dinner and some cruskits for snacks. Today I had a grapefruit, a pear, some nutrigrain with lite soy and a piece of multigrain toast with tomato and a small serve of feta for breakfast, 2 small olive and herb pita breads with 98% fat free honey roasted chicken breast, tomato, lettuce and lite mayo for lunch, another pear and an apple for afternoon tea and a yoghurt for morning tea. I did Tae Bo on Monday morning, biked 10km last night and then got up and did Tae Bo again this morning. I have stuck strictly to points every day so far this week. Even went one point under on Monday. And I earnt 8.5 bonus points just in the last three days. Amazing that the scales can have such a profound effect on me. It made me feel and act fat. I felt slimmer today. After scales I felt terrible and bloated and fat. And I came home and bought fish and chips for tea and got a hazlenut snickers bar. I not only feel sick and defeated but I know that I consciously made the choice to binge because the scales weren't kind. I know that it is probably all fluid gain and that I would have lost it next week but, somehow, that just didn't make me feel any better. I had a goal and I fell short by a long shot!!

So I head into my 30's, at midnight, with 3.5kg (nearly half a stone) to go to make the 90's and low self confidence for my party on Saturday night. It is a dress up party with the theme: Blast from the Past. I am dressing up as Janis Joplin and Blair is hoping to dress up as Isaac from the Love Boat (the dark bartender). Hilarious!!

Life has been really great up until tonight. I was feeling so in control and positive. I feel healthy and full of energy. Now I feel deflated and like a pile of steaming dog shit.
Posted by Jules :: 9:54 pm :: 17 Comments:

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