The Renovation of Jules

Wednesday, August 31

Job Seeker Extraordinaire

As the title may suggest, I landed the first job I applied for. I deserve to feel a bit cocky about this so give me my minute!! It is 30hrs a week as accounts administrator at DTZ, a property management/valuation company. Start in a couple of weeks. Nothing like getting a job to boost the self esteem. Speaking of self esteem:

I have been having a bit of a shit time of it lately. A week and a half ago I was supposed to be heading out for the evening to a BBQ to catch up with old high school buddies. That afternoon I had a panic attack. The first one I have had in over a year. My whole body went into stress mode and I flipped out. I knew the feeling as it started to sweep over me, it always starts in the upper back/neck area. It is terrible when you feel it start and I was pretty powerless to stop it. Poor kids, I sent them outside to play so that they weren't near me and Phoebe was put in her bassinet while I just tried to breathe through it. I have also been having those old "why don't I just drive into a lamp post" feelings. 2 years ago I was given the "clinical depression/social anxiety" diagnosis. I took medication until I found out that I was pregnant with Phoebe. It definitely helped. I don't know what really went wrong that sent me into this spin. Probably a bit of a combination of things. If you sit around the house long enough your life soon starts to lack meaning. Don't take this the wrong way. I love spending time with Phoebe but, I need more than the home thing. Especially with shit money situation and feeling like I am contributing nothing all the time. And then I had the neverending "final units" to finish for my Naturopathy. I find it impossible to study when my head is in this sort of space so, I finally made the decision to give it away for the time being. I spoke to my head tutor to formally withdraw and she said she would leave my file open so that I could still send my units in if things worked out better down the track. She is awesome. So, with that weight finally off of my shoulders, I have been able to concentrate on the future a bit more. Blair has the dream of becoming a fireman. He has had it since he was about 4. Most boys grow out of it but not my man. So, I have said for him to go for it, apply in the November intake and see how he goes. Both of us need to move out of this stagnation that we have got into.

When I went to my interview yesterday it was a lovely day in Christchurch. I felt really great and confident walking the inner city streets and feeling, for the first time in ages, like a person instead of just a milking cow. I really don't want to sound ungrateful, especially when others are trying so hard to get what I have baby wise, but depression picks its arrival time without consulting me. I now have the task of reducing down the breast feeding to 3 times a day. That means that I will have to cut my points down too. Damn it. Will be good though.

I have had so many compliments on how great I am looking in the past week. I still don't know what the scales are saying as I have not been back to Weight Watchers this week either. I just don't have the money at all. I will have to put it off until I start working and things are looking a bit better. I have hopped on my home scales and am just under 100kg on them. But, we all know they are about 3kg out. But that is still the lowest I have ever been on them!!

Have been on a couple of walks but have not been on the bike for a week and a half now. I will be walking the kids to school and home over the next couple of days though. Petrol has gone up again and I just can't afford to be driving around when I have a good pair of feet (stop chuckling those of you who have seen photos of my feet).

Anyway, I had to get a bit of this out and everyone else is in bed so I finally have my chance. Poor Blair is bearing the brunt of my mood swings. Half the time he could be about ten thousand times more supportive though. He knew I had the job interview yesterday, yet when he got home he never asked about it at all, just sat there going on about his own job. Later in the evening I said, yeah the job interview went well. Well he got home at 4.30pm today and knew that I was finding out about the job today yet didn't ask at all. I had just got a fucken job and he didn't even ask. So at 7.30pm I shouted at him "I got a job today, thanks for asking!!" and haven't spoken to him since. Sometimes men are just so self absorbed. I could go in and smack him with a pot right now.

I think it is time for a challenge. Everyone else has some sort of challenge going.

I have 7 weeks till my 30th birthday - I need to be at my 10% by then. So, as of two weeks ago I was 105.1kg. Not sure what I am today but I need to get to 98.8kg to reach my 10%. That is a loss of 6.3kg in 7 weeks. That is a required loss of 900g a week. Achievable?? Not likely!! But I always thrive on a good challenge. So, how am I going to achieve this?? Walking kids to school up until I start work. Biking at least 4 times a week for half an hour. Water intake - 2L a day. Appropriate adjustment of points dependent on reduction of breast feeds. Less carbs of the processed type. I will need to eat more fruit and veges and less bread. Go away horrible bread and horrible peanut butter. Keep up with No Biscuits.
And if all else fails?? In 7th week have an invasive colonic irrigation!! Just kidding. So cheer me on, either from a far or from near!! I need to do this. I will do this!!!!!!!!!

Hope everyone else is having a lovely day. I am going to go and ring my sister and confirm her participation with me in this duathlon next year. If she won't commit then I will do it myself. I can do it. Damn it - I can get a job in one easy week, what's stopping me running 5km and biking 10km in a morning??

Well, at the moment obesity and gammy knees - but we will change that.

Posted by Jules :: 7:51 pm :: 9 Comments: